Fallin' a step behind

My arms ache - they have all day. Not the mono ache, that's finally starting to back off a little, something more profound, something more desperate. Something almost supernatural. I want so desperately to hold someone, to collapse into arms and be kissed and whispered to and reminded that even I'm worth loving. It seems like something poets toss around, but my body actually hurts for the want of someone next to me.

Our hearts are restless - we're creatures separate but built for unity, made to be dependent on one another. The monasticism of Anthony of the Desert died out because we aren't supposed to be alone, but, because of fear and sadness and pride and every other demented sickness and vile perversity which plagues our fallen nature we forget that about each other and live in our own desperate, ruthlessly quiet little worlds and love people who can't love us back. We forget to be human - really, truly, excellently human. It sucks out our joy and binds us to illness, makes us subject to our bodies and despair of our souls. We find ourselves caged, aching, burning like we've always been to love, but for some of us there's no place to turn for it - no outlet, nothing but more cold, more distance, more desert.

Damn unrequited love. Damn it to hell.

And all of the sudden, I miss my hair.