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Aug. 2nd, 2005 09:59 amI'm too fucking sweet. Great. That's wonderful. Now I feel like shit. I think I did everything right and what? I'm a moron. I can't do romance. I can't sweep a girl off her feet. I can't to anything right. I'm not fit to be a boyfriend. Why not just say I'm good to be somebody's bitch, as you are so fond of calling me, but not anything else? I'm nothing to all of you. Utterly replaceable. Utterly forgetable.
Would the Caf Crew miss me? The Grate? My teachers? My Girlfriend? The person who doesn't want me and doesn't think I can be enough if she let me try but thinks she can lie to my fucking face when I know better? No. Nobody would. I could disappear and you wouldn't notice I was missing. I have had no impact on anyone. What lives have I changed? What have I made better? Nothing. None. I haven't done anything and I won't. I'm not good enough. Not attractive or rich enough to get shallow people. Not smart enough for intellectuals. Loyal enough to be trusted, but not loyal enough to be loved. I'm good to talk to. I'm a good friend. Well those people are the ones who fade away and never get seen or heard from again and the most anyone does about it is sit there and say "I wonder what happened to him." Nobody calls someone like that. Nobody talks to him. Nobody comes to his house just to see him. He's the poor sap who does all of it and never gets to realize that they don't care about him and wouldn't do the same if he needed them to.
Giulia, just forget about me. Go find a boy you diserve and make him happy and don't ever treat him like a servant, even though he does best to serve you. Do this for me.
You tried to tell me different. But I looked at your eyes. And what I saw there was the truth, telling me that I'm a fool, that she would be better without me and is lying to avoid the fight and have someone to keep doing what you do. You are her servant, not her equal, and why didn't you see it until now? And you know what John? That truth is not beautiful, so it turns out I don't know anything.
I cannot have love. I'm not obedient enough for the Church. I've so fucked up my chances of getting into a good school that I'll never be a respected teacher or professor.
Let's see how many people respond to this. Let's see who says anything. Let's see if anybody fucking notices it's here. Let's see if anybody could say anything that might make one word of this untrue. Let's see if anyone calls me, or sends e-mail, or does anything to prove me wrong or even to make being right hurt less. They won't. They don't. I am a servant, an annoyance, or a pathetic kid on the outskirts of a group that could do just as well without me.
But I got nowhere to fly to.
Would the Caf Crew miss me? The Grate? My teachers? My Girlfriend? The person who doesn't want me and doesn't think I can be enough if she let me try but thinks she can lie to my fucking face when I know better? No. Nobody would. I could disappear and you wouldn't notice I was missing. I have had no impact on anyone. What lives have I changed? What have I made better? Nothing. None. I haven't done anything and I won't. I'm not good enough. Not attractive or rich enough to get shallow people. Not smart enough for intellectuals. Loyal enough to be trusted, but not loyal enough to be loved. I'm good to talk to. I'm a good friend. Well those people are the ones who fade away and never get seen or heard from again and the most anyone does about it is sit there and say "I wonder what happened to him." Nobody calls someone like that. Nobody talks to him. Nobody comes to his house just to see him. He's the poor sap who does all of it and never gets to realize that they don't care about him and wouldn't do the same if he needed them to.
Giulia, just forget about me. Go find a boy you diserve and make him happy and don't ever treat him like a servant, even though he does best to serve you. Do this for me.
You tried to tell me different. But I looked at your eyes. And what I saw there was the truth, telling me that I'm a fool, that she would be better without me and is lying to avoid the fight and have someone to keep doing what you do. You are her servant, not her equal, and why didn't you see it until now? And you know what John? That truth is not beautiful, so it turns out I don't know anything.
I cannot have love. I'm not obedient enough for the Church. I've so fucked up my chances of getting into a good school that I'll never be a respected teacher or professor.
Let's see how many people respond to this. Let's see who says anything. Let's see if anybody fucking notices it's here. Let's see if anybody could say anything that might make one word of this untrue. Let's see if anyone calls me, or sends e-mail, or does anything to prove me wrong or even to make being right hurt less. They won't. They don't. I am a servant, an annoyance, or a pathetic kid on the outskirts of a group that could do just as well without me.
But I got nowhere to fly to.
